Does anyone even blog any more? Maybe blogging is for a woman in her 40's. No, they are all trying to learn Tic Tok dances. (NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS!)
I've come back to blogging because I need a place to express my feelings. Writing has always been an outlet for me. I am not saying I am good at it, but it helps me process things going on in my life.
A little update... As I last said we moved from our little town in the country to a much bigger town. We are now about 30 minutes outside of Charlotte.
Austin just graduated from NC State University. He received a degree in Political Science. He is working for a law firm, and moving in with his girlfriend soon. He and Lindsey have been together for 8 years now.
Alex just finished up his Sophomore year of high school. His favorite classes are video production. He doesn't want to be in front of the camera, but behind it. He is really into clothes. He will buy and then re-sell his clothes. Sometimes for much more. He and I sit around and show each other things on our phones that we are both really into. It's a great way to bond.
Maddox just finished 7th grade. The little turd loves to point out that in 1 year he will be starting high school. 😡 He started band this past year. He is in percussion just like Austin was. He has made all A's for at least 2 years in a row. He works so hard to maintain that. He is still as sweet as ever. (Thank God!)
Andrew is living on his own. We don't have much of a relationship. I will do a separate post on that later.
Mike and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. He is still working with Lowe's. Like every relationship we have our good times and bad, but there is no one on this earth that I would rather be with. And he must love me too. I mean who else would put up with my crazy after all of these years?
Now, onto the insane part of my update...
Last year I found out that my Dad wasn't my biological Dad. To say it rocked my world is an understatement. I did not take it well at all. Well, that isn't true. I was ok until I found my biological Dad, Larry. Larry is amazing. The nicest person in the world. My problem was finding him made it real.
Oh I was so mad. I have never had that much anger in me before. I was mad at my biological mom. How did she do this? She lied to my Dad for his entire life. She kept Larry from knowing he had a daughter. She controlled 2 mens lives.
And as far as my Dad was concerned, she left him to raise another mans child. She left us when I was 7 years old. And let me tell you what, I was not the easiest child/teen to raise. I was BAD.
I found Lisa's (bio mom) address on-line. I sent her a letter that said "Not that you care, but I found out Jim Schlosser isn't my biological Dad. It's Larry Landes." I never heard back, but a new relative did show up on my ancestry.com account. Katy - Lisa's other daughter that she lives with. So I know she did get the letter.
I have gotten over most of my anger. Actually, I just try to not give Lisa the power to live in my thoughts. She isn't worth it.
What I haven't gotten over is the guilt I feel. My Daddy was the best Dad ever. And I feel like he thinks I am replacing him with Larry. I would never do that. I could never do that. But he isn't here for me to tell that too. That is why I can't wait to die (Not that I want to now or anything), because I want to talk to him.
I also feel guilt with Larry. If I post something on FB about my Dad I feel like I am hurting Larry. I don't want to do that, but I don't want to forget my Dad either.
So that is what this blog is about now. It's me writing all of this down. It's about me getting things in order.
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